found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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