So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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