i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
