first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
