saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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