I hate all girls vehemently.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
