We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
