well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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