hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
