I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
