As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
