His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
