bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
