Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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