Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
