Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
