I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
