I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dignity is for republicans.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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