I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
