i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
