Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
