What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
