I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
