Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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