I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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