I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
