believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
