I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
