Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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