And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize