Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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