yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
