dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
