My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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