just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
