Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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