Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
