I just made out with a guy for $7.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
