Are we in a gay sports bar?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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