so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
