How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
