Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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