I wanna bring you to show and tell
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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