are you still at the devil's house?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
