i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize