nut hugger
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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