Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
