i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My vagina is officially offended.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
