I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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