I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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