I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize