I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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