i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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