Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
