omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize