I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
3pm strippers are depressing
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
