Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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