drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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