so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A+ Viking dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
