I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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