I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize