i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
