i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize