Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
