I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
