After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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