Well douche your snatch and let's go!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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