so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
