eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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