Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
