i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize