addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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