my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
