I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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