Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize