1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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