hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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