He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
