Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
