So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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