I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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