I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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