Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
