Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
