Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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