Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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