i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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