yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
