I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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