so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
