Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I understand Curling. That high.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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