you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
