so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
